Monday, October 17, 2005
Its been a too long between blogs.
This could answer some of the congestion in my head. Finally out of the last month i have been able to sleep for more then four uninterrupted hours its about 6-7 hours now, makes me happy though strangely enough I miss my stressful sleep routine....
I'm winding down for the year in terms of required school work and shifting my focus on what i want to learn over the holidays, I still feel so negative about my works this year the usual feelings of fake, to shiny and bla bla bla.. Dominate my thoughts.
I converse with my peers and share the same heartache of uncertainty of the decisions we have made and where we are going to be. Will I ever be successful at what I love?
I enjoy designing products, but that is only a quick fix. Its like having a cigarette break , you step out of the intensity of a situation, you allow your subconscious to give you some answers, add some light to the dark and guide you through .The cigarette is more about breathing and t thinking then not.
You get back to the seriousness again, your relaxed and you have some clear thoughts of what has to be done and so you perpetuate this. You get on with your work and before you know it you are along way passed the road blocks you built for your self, you now actually look at new problems as being previously solved ones and project your mind set as having already solved them rather then being stuck.
It's a viscous circle i need my hit but it never satisfy's me! I want to solve problems give answers fix things who knows
I much feel this way about "product" design and particularly on a CAD based approach. I love CAD and I could sit in front of a machine for 40 hours and squeeze out the shiniest piece of poo possible and never really finish it. When I finish my 40 hour smoke break I'm back to work, I look to take on my critical thinking and go forth on the quest to being able to creatively "design". Then I put my self in a headlock and say well do you really have what it takes to do more then your own expectations? Can you really design and use creativity mixed in with sustainable ingenuity? Can you go beyond a feeling of green design? Can you satisfy our deepest needs without us knowing it? I deprive myself of trying and hence failure sets in.... I want to know that when I look back on myself I will have become what it is I want weather I know that now or not.Product design though does not challenge or fullfill to a comfortable level I want bigger problems!!!
Kate and Mario take note of Cachi's words, your both superb why do you ponder the start of your journey when you are building the paths. You started your journey quite sometime ago you will be all that you ask for, because your not waiting for it to come, its like what is that thing that i can't see in the dark in the middle of the dessert? do I touch it or not?
So I just want to let it out, that right now I've no faith in my work and Ideas, I love so much what i'm learning and fear it coming to an end. Then being asked to perform. So I guess that I still have to break away from expecting to much maybe just aim for 50% then 100% and more importantly get on with it. Hopefully i will be alot closer to where i want to be then when i started, maybe I have already solved this problem.....
Posted by
hOuSE on 12:41 PM
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